What I’ve Learned about Marriage in 2013

2013 I hit 3 years of being married. Having been very public about my separation on social media, I can honestly say it’s been very therapeutic for me and inspirational for others. I am nothing special, I’m just a woman that wants to be loved and adored like any other. Love hit me like a ton of bricks, hard and unexpected. But like anything else, it can’t always be fun and games. I can’t even remember when and how things got to where they are now between my husband and I. All I know is both sides aren’t perfect and have made mistakes.
This year, as a married woman, I’ve learned that when you love someone it can feel like you’re invincible one second and like you’re losing your mind the next. We as people make bad choices sometimes and fail to realize that we are only cheating ourselves and scaring those we truly love.
We were all taught how to love differently growing up. All we can do is love our spouses the best we can, appreciate them for all that they are, be patient, forgive as much as we can, but continue to love ourselves too.
As individuals we all have our weaknesses and strengths; but together, we have to figure out how they all mesh well enough to make things work.
I grew up with parents that have been married over 40 years, they’ve been an amazing example of what to do and not do in a marriage, no matter how angry you are your spouse still comes first, and just because vows were broken doesn’t mean you have to throw your vows out the window. In marriage, every couple makes their own rules and handles things differently.
The both of us have inner demons and struggles we need to overcome, that doesn’t mean there isn’t any love between us. With the new year approaching I know what I have to do on my end of the marriage for my husband, the both of us, and especially for myself. Only a higher power knows the future so all I can do is work with what I have in the present and leave the past behind.

To others going through martial struggles: It doesn’t matter what differences your spouse and you have, how much therapy you go through, what advice is given to you, & what your mind tells you…you can’t help who your heart loves. Do what makes you happy, take things day by day, and if you feel it in your gut not to quit, then don’t.
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Don’t

How do you trust someone after they’ve lied to you, over and over, lie after lie. Their focus was  temporarily elsewhere, not just one, but two and even three times. Their mind had drifted into a dark world that you didn’t have a chance to exist in. You gave yourself this time, for love, for life, forever. The walls around your heart had disappeared only leaving it exposed to sorrow and disappointment. You’re to weak to be angry and still obey your vows. With so much to give and all unnoticed, the unappreciated out weighs everything in between. How do you trust someone after they’ve lied to you, over and over, lie after lie…well you don’t.
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Fade

Beauty and light is all I see
Dark and bitter is all you’ll be
Still not recovered from a broken heart and punishing thy self by laying with a wicked soul.
Only wishing to be held again in the deep river of true love.
While the wish doesn’t come true she slowly fades away like the clouds of a rainstorm accepting the sunlight.
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Infatuation

Infatuation

I don’t even know you but I feel like I do
Maybe you’re a fascination or maybe you’re true
Almost at arm’s length right from the start
Though you’re not near me your held by my heart
I walk around with butterflies all up inside
Thinking you want me just for a ride
This might be a story or may be surreal but know in the end that I am for real

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About the Author:

Mrs. Randy MonterrosaBeauty Writer & Lifestyle Blogger April M. Monterrosa is a Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Military wife, the mama of a dachshund, a licensed Cosmetologist of 18 years, Owner of The Lil Spa Room, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor. With beauty & blogging being such passions, Shine Beautifully was born. Shine Beautifully will feature beauty tips, home remedies, quotes, poetry, recipes, personal stories, travel adventures, & an array of other topics. Don’t forget to subscribe!

Thanksgiving Family Drama

Thanksgiving is the time of year that we’re all gather together with our families. We all sit at the table as one big happy family, say a prayer before someone carves the turkey, and spend the day feasting and enjoying each other’s company. All week long at work, clients have all asked me the same thing. Do you go to your grandparent’s house? Do you spend Thanksgiving with ALL your family? Are you closer t your mom’s family or your dad’s family? I guess with the holidays around, they feel more comfortable to ask me such personal questions; maybe they are just trying to get to know me a little more. So here are my answers; no, we don’t go to any grandparent’s homes. No, we don’t spend it with all of our family & no, we aren’t close to either side of the family. Sad to say, yes, but has it worked for my immediate family, yes. Being the oldest grandchild from both sides of the family and never being naive  I was very observant of all the favoritism my grandparents had (on both sides of the family). Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, may be your family yes, unfortunately the world is full of liars, vindictive, and shady people…and yeah, you may even be related to them.

People try so hard to get the acceptance of their families, I mean, that’s who you are suppose to love and be supported by, right? Sometimes, jealousy, envy, and greed get the best of people and they ruin the bond they are supposed to have with their families. Many of us have these kinds of people in our families, some may try their hardest to fix things and are never met halfway, and others may keep on holding the same grudge or having the same meaningless argument and never resolve anything. And then they are people like my parents. Both so strong in their own individual ways, but yet complement each other well. My parents got tired of the gossip, the lies, the grudges, the bullshit, and the wishy washy-ness that was all for nothing. Being that they eloped at a very young age I am sure the family each had their own opinions about them lasting together. But come on, it’s been over 35 years, they are obviously happily married and have a great life to show for all  their hard work…so if the family can’t get over that…then I guess that’s just too damn bad, right?

This Thanksgiving season, I have realized so much. Even though I didn’t understand at the time why my parents kept to themselves and kept us away from all the family drama, I totally get it now. For those of you that are trying to fix unhealthy relationships with your families and in-laws. Really take a look at the bigger picture. Are they meeting you halfway? Is it really worth it? Are you just wasting your time? Are you hurting your family or putting your marriage in jeopardy? I like to think my parents got together and asked themselves and each other these same questions, because our childhood was so drama free and good by keeping away from the rest of the family. Sure, we are close to a few cousins, aunts, and uncles, but only because there wasn’t ever any drama with them. If you have children and do not have a great relationship with your family or in-laws, focus on making things even better for your children. I know it’s hard when your children do not have that relationship with their grandparents, aunts, or uncles, but why try with people that just don’t care to?

This thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for. My life isn’t perfect, but incredible, I can’t even explain how wonderful things have gone for me, despite all I’ve been through. All of my family will be at the table this year; my husband, my baby brother & sister in law, my nephews, & my little brother , & even my mother in law. I’m especially thankful for my parents; they are both here, healthy, and together after 40 years. No matter what their families have put them through, how many times they have caused drama or try to ruin their happiness, the both of them stood strong and together. They made sure we had fun holidays always. For this, I am not only blessed, but lucky. I don’t know any other way then to be happy and to stay away from people that want to ruin that. It’s because of them, we all have always sat together at the table for every holiday making wonderful family memories…and can now pass all those traditions to my nephews. Thank you mom and dad, for making me the women I am today, and making our family bond so strong.  Every joyous holiday memory we all have is because of you. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
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Chase Your Dreams, Ignore the Bullshit

tumblr_m0gm28q9jk1qm94r5o1_500As women, we are always put to the test to see how much we can take, how far we can go, how tough we are till we break.  Many women have dreams and goals that are influenced by others. They want and need attention while looking good to their peers. That’s the wrong kind of dream to chase. Go after what’s really in your heart; if its finishing school, building something, getting that high paying job, traveling around the world, being on the cover of vogue…whatever it is, chase your dreams and do all you can for them to come true.

If family puts you down and makes fun of you, thinking your goals and dreams are stupid or a waste of time, ignore them. People like that have no balls to go out there with blood, sweat, & tears to do what they really want to do. They’re usually lazy, have no ambition, and the only thing that moves fast is their mouth talking shit about others when they should be looking at how they can improve themselves. Show them that no matter how many bad things they say to you or about you, you will succeed, to give in 7156943497_d50d4b0c36_zto their negative shit.

If you’re in a relationship and your spouse pays no attention to your ambitions, it’s because they simply do not care. As sad as this is, people like that usually have no goals themselves. If they tell you you’re not going to be successful, you’re not capable of making it to the top, it’s only because they are jealous of the drive that you have, they know that you will be, and they don’t want you to do things better than them…pure selfishness! You deserve better.

Pay no attention to negative people that do not believe you. As much as you think you need them, you don’t. Negativity slows you down, makes you doubt yourself, and gets you nowhere. Believe in yourself, if you have family and a spouse that doesn’t support you, then YOU support you. Wake up every morning and go to bed every night with good thoughts, ideas how to make your dreams a reality, and put forth the effort to do so every chance you get. We only have one life, count on yourself to fulfill it as much as you can, what are you waiting for? Dream it….do it…live it! ❤

chase-your-dreamsAbout the Author:

Beauty Writer & Lifestyle Blogger April M. Monterrosa is a Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Military wife, the mama of a dachshund, a licensed Cosmetologist of 18 years, Owner of The Lil Spa Room, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor. With beauty & blogging being such passions, Shine Beautifully was born. Shine Beautifully will feature beauty tips, home remedies, quotes, poetry, recipes, personal stories, travel adventures, & an array of other topics. Don’t forget to subscribe!

 

WOW, I’m in a Magazine!

So I’m starting my Friday out with a bang! Waking up to an email from writer Esther Chapman that I’m mentioned in Good Housekeeping magazine is a way to start my weekend off that’s for sure.  To my fellow bloggers: keep typing up what you’re passionate about…you never know who will come across your blogs. I was found by doing a simple internet search and got a chance to give my beauty tips to a professional writer.  Just when you think no one really reads your stuff…the right people find it, read it, & can help get your name out there! My blogging was first discovered by social media rock star & author Lisa Pietsch; when I first started blogging it was just for fun, to give my clients beauty tips, and because I enjoy it. Lisa has generously given me writing, social media tips, and has also become a great friend. Since then I have gone from just writing about beauty, to writing about lifestyle adventures, home remedies, and fun recipes. I would have never thought I’d be seeing my name in a very well known magazine…so you can only imagine how totally stoked I am! So thank you guardian angels of the social media world…you made this simple girl from Texas smile from ear to ear. Enjoy the weekend and check out the article!

Article link: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/appointment-etiquette-nail-salon

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April M. Monterrosa is a Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Military wife, the mama of a dachshund, a beauty writer, lifestyle blogger, a licensed Cosmetologist of 18 years, Owner of The Lil Spa Room, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor. With beauty & blogging being such passions, Shine Beautifully was born. Shine Beautifully will feature beauty tips, home remedies, quotes, poetry, recipes, personal stories, & travel adventures. Don’t forget to subscribe!