I am a part of the Wonderfully Wise Women private facebook group. I enjoy reading and sharing with the other women in there. Because there are so many different age ranges, you can imagine how different some of the responses are to whatever questions, vents, & rants that are posted in there. A close friend of my daughter’s posted this one question that hit home. To avoid upsetting anyone and sharing my opinion with other women, I was motivated to write this blog. Plus I now have a chance to share some of my personal stories. Let me start off by sharing the post:
Why did Mommyhood look so much easier when I was a kid? Mom raised 3 of, us, kept up with the house, and got us all where we needed to be. She never looked tired, never got sick, and got it all done.
I can’t seem to keep up with my 2 lil rug rats, the full time job, the house, the husband, etc……… ~sigh~
Surely I’m not the only one who feels this way.”
So this is my response:
I became a mom at 21 years old; I had 3 children, 1 daughter & 2 sons. I grew up in the era where if you kissed a boy on the mouth you’d get pregnant. My mother did not in any way prepare me for motherhood. I helped take care of my siblings so naturally, I had maternal instincts. When raising my children, I was sometimes a stay at home mom, and when times were tough, I would work fulltime. I was blessed with a husband that was a great provider, but sometimes, finances were tight being that we had 3 children. My husband had a full time job, was a musician at night, and worked on the side to build up his own business. In between that, he would make time to do family things with our children. Since he had a full plate on his hands being the man of the house, it was only fair that I hold up my end of the household. Being a team is what’s made my marriage work for over 40 years.
Was I ever tired? Of course, I’m not superwoman! Was I ever sick? Like a dog sometimes. Did I get it all done? You bet I did. There is no such thing as a perfect mom, but I gave my all, and did my best. When I was working while my kids were younger, I would wake up in the morning, make breakfast, get coffee ready, get the kids dressed, see the husband off to work, and in between all that, do my hair and makeup to go to work myself. Depending on what our schedules were like, we would take turns taking the kids to school. After work, I would go straight to pick up the kids from school. The only time I had help with a sitter was when my daughter was a baby and my mother in law would take care of her. By the time the boys came along, she was in school and the preschool the boys went to, I was able to get a job there to help my husband pay the tuition.
The older the kids got, my daughter, being the oldest helped pick them up from school after she got off the bus from the school she attended. They would wait for me to get home and I would start on dinner while I helped with homework, threw in a load of laundry, made sure my husband’s work shirts were ironed, and unwound from my long day at work at the same time. After dinner was bedtime, then to do it all over again the next day. This was my daily routine aside from also being a supportive wife. There were times I was exhausted, I wanted to just break down and cry, I needed a break too! Did I ever get one, no…did I complain…never.
I get a kick out of women…or should I say girls nowadays, they can’t handle ANYTHING alone. Times are no different now than they were back when I was a mother. There have always been single moms, women have always worked, and marriage has always been about being a team. The reason I think mothers can’t handle a full plate is because they simply don’t want too. They don’t want to deal with homework, crying kids, keeping a home spic and span, cook homemade meals, or make time for their husbands. Mothers now depend on family to help them out, would rather stick a video game or a movie in front of their kid’s faces than take them outside to play, and have made happy hours a must. I never even knew what happy hour was till my daughter told me. When it was time for grocery shopping, doctor appointments, even my yearly visit, I had my 3 kids with me, whether I was sick, tired, sleepy, not having a good day, they were with me. I did not have the option to leave them with anyone. As tired as I was, as much as I wanted a break, I had to suck it up because that was my job as a mother, to take care of my children, my husband, and our home.
The only thing different about these times now is things are more expensive, technology is more advanced, and people don’t discipline their children or spend time with them like they should. In fact I think things are easier now. There’s so many afterschool programs, more government assistance, and because girls are needier, their parents do more for them as well as husbands taking on more mom duties. I laugh when I hear other moms say times are different, because the only thing different in my eyes is how spoiled and lazy these girls are now a days. Instead of laying around on your spare time catching up with TV shows, playing games on your phone, get up off your but, clean your house, cook a meal for your husband, read your child a story, have a conversation with them, and simply use your time wisely. There is always something to do! Mom duties have ALWAYS and always will be there, we get no breaks. As a mom, I was a cook, a taxi driver, a counselor, a nurse, a teacher, a PTA & band booster president, a seamstress, an event planner, a tour guide, and my list of duties was and is never ending since I now take care of my grandsons. Motherhood is very rewarding but it’s the hardest job out there and not for everyone.
So you want to know how I managed to do it all?
Well for starters I was never lazy; I didn’t depend on my husband to do everything on top of all that he was doing for the family already, I pulled my weight and was strong for the sake of my children and my marriage. A real woman does what she has to do, and that’s it. She doesn’t turn to alcohol, drugs, make excuses for herself, just give up and quit, throw tantrums, or expect others to do everything for her. You put on your big girl panties on and handle your business.