The Labor Day weekend vibe always brings back memories of our spontaneous decision to elope on a rainy Labor Day weekend 4 years ago. I cannot not believe how fast the years have gone by; being friends for many years, deployments, long distance dating, traveling back and forth between different states, huge life changing transitions, hitting a really rough patch, separating, and fighting for what we both didn’t want to end brought us here…still together. Every day I learn something new about my husband, myself, and married life. But after all the bad stuff we both went through before working things out, I feel we are on a new level of getting to know each other. The little details you think go unnoticed have turned into the big things that stand out the most.
For better or worse has a whole new meaning to me now; I think the both of us needed to lose each other to realize how much we loved one another and what truly mattered. No communication has turned into being completely open, that lead to more respect, and has moved us both closer to each other. Big decisions and life changing obstacles have become so much easier to handle and deal with together. Even though we lost what we had before our separation, what we gained has been so much better. For those that took those vows of marriage and going through a rough time, take some time out to collect your thoughts, stop being angry, and make sure you do everything you can to make things work as long as your spouse is meeting you halfway. It’s worth it.
This year we spent our anniversary at home, laughing with my step daughter on Skype, eating take out, listening to the Bob Marley station on Pandora, and enjoying our home. It even rained today just like it day the day we eloped…Simply perfect…
Sept. 3, 2010-Labor Day Weekend
2013 I hit 3 years of being married. Having been very public about my separation on social media, I can honestly say it’s been very therapeutic for me and inspirational for others. I am nothing special, I’m just a woman that wants to be loved and adored like any other. Love hit me like a ton of bricks, hard and unexpected. But like anything else, it can’t always be fun and games. I can’t even remember when and how things got to where they are now between my husband and I. All I know is both sides aren’t perfect and have made mistakes.
This year, as a married woman, I’ve learned that when you love someone it can feel like you’re invincible one second and like you’re losing your mind the next. We as people make bad choices sometimes and fail to realize that we are only cheating ourselves and scaring those we truly love.
We were all taught how to love differently growing up. All we can do is love our spouses the best we can, appreciate them for all that they are, be patient, forgive as much as we can, but continue to love ourselves too.
As individuals we all have our weaknesses and strengths; but together, we have to figure out how they all mesh well enough to make things work.
I grew up with parents that have been married over 40 years, they’ve been an amazing example of what to do and not do in a marriage, no matter how angry you are your spouse still comes first, and just because vows were broken doesn’t mean you have to throw your vows out the window. In marriage, every couple makes their own rules and handles things differently.
The both of us have inner demons and struggles we need to overcome, that doesn’t mean there isn’t any love between us. With the new year approaching I know what I have to do on my end of the marriage for my husband, the both of us, and especially for myself. Only a higher power knows the future so all I can do is work with what I have in the present and leave the past behind.
To others going through martial struggles: It doesn’t matter what differences your spouse and you have, how much therapy you go through, what advice is given to you, & what your mind tells you…you can’t help who your heart loves. Do what makes you happy, take things day by day, and if you feel it in your gut not to quit, then don’t.