Relationship Stalling

Those of you in long term relationships probably talk to your girlfriends and/or family about this topic all the time. You’ve been a relationship for a long time, maybe even have kids, and your other half has not yet popped the question.  Now I’m not talking about couples that agree to not get married, marriage isn’t for everyone. I am talking about women who dream of walking down the aisle with the man they are in love with. The ones that always hint they would love to be married. You have put in years into being with your boyfriend, accepted him for all that he is (even his kids), and moved in with him under the impression that he is going to get on his knee and soon pull out that diamond ring. You look forward to Valentine’s Day, Christmas, your birthday, and any holiday that would give him the chance to take this step finally…and every year that goes by…nothing happens.

Being divorced once, engaged, and now remarried; I can honestly tell you why your other half has not popped the question. It’s simply because they do not want too. When a man loves a woman (or vice versa), he will do everything in his power to make her happy. If she wants to seal the deal and get married, he will make that happen. No ifs, ands, or buts…whether it be a big or small wedding, there’s always payments, savings accounts to take advantage of, and hell, he can get a part time job! Eloping to courthouse is not expensive at all…just FYI.

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Friends that have been in this situation have vented to me and I always ask them what their boyfriend’s excuses are for not wanting to tie the knot. Let’s see…my all time favorite one…money. That is the crappiest excuse ever! Get another job if you half to…stop spending money on things that are not needed…grow up and make your woman happy. Money comes and goes…with a little hard work this wedding can happen. Next excuse…”I’m just not ready”…really? But you were ready to move in together and share bills? And even have children?  Come on now, how fair is that? Another good one…”we’ll plan it next year”…why  NEXT year and not THIS year…if you do wait to start planning that next year and nothing happens AGAIN…yeah, he most likely  does not want to get married.

I could go on and on and list excuses as to why these men full of excuses do not want to get married knowing their woman wants to. I was with an excuse maker myself, I learned that the excuses never changed and the more time went on, I still was not getting what I wanted from the relationship. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to put what you really want aside just to keep the peace in the relationship…or keep your boyfriend period. Do you really want to settle? If so, then don’t complain. I do know a couple of friends that gave their other halves the marriage ultimatum, I don’t know if I’d want to pressure someone into marrying me, but it did work for them, and they do seem happy. My husband left a 12 year career and moved from another stated to be with me without even being asked. So again, when a man really loves a woman, he will do whatever he can to be with her, make her happy, and most of all put a ring on it and make her his. Know your worth and stop waiting around for something that you know is not going to happen.

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My 4th Wedding Anniversary

The Labor Day weekend vibe always brings back memories of our spontaneous decision to elope on a rainy Labor Day weekend 4 years ago. I cannot not believe how fast the years have gone by; being friends for many years, deployments, long distance dating, traveling back and forth between different states, huge life changing transitions, hitting a really rough patch, separating, and fighting for what we both didn’t want to end brought us here…still together. Every day I learn something new about my husband, myself, and married life. But after all the bad stuff we both went through before working things out, I feel we are on a new level of getting to know each other. The little details you think go unnoticed have turned into the big things that stand out the most. wedding anniversary

For better or worse has a whole new meaning to me now; I think the both of us needed to lose each other to realize how much we loved one another and what truly mattered.  No communication has turned into being completely open, that lead to more respect, and has moved us both closer to each other. Big decisions and life changing obstacles have become so much easier to handle and deal with together. Even though we lost what we had before our separation, what we gained has been so much better. For those that took those vows of marriage and going through a rough time, take some time out to collect your thoughts, stop being angry, and make sure you do everything you can to make things work as long as your spouse is meeting you halfway. It’s worth it.

This year we spent our anniversary at home, laughing with my step daughter on Skype, eating take out, listening to the Bob Marley station on Pandora, and enjoying our home. It even rained today just like it day the day we eloped…Simply perfect…

Sept. 3, 2010

Sept. 3, 2010-Labor Day Weekend