Online Dating Advantages

Many people are against online dating and of course you do hear the horror stories. If you are careful and safe, online dating can be a way to lead you to many amazing people. I know many couples that have been together quite sometime that met online…I happened to be of them and celebrated my 4 year anniversary just yesterday. For those of you already doing the online dating thing, good luck and hope you find what you’re looking for! Of course you can debate the advantages and disadvantages of online dating endlessly, but let’s look at the advantages of online dating websites and be positive about this new way of meeting people.

1. Because online dating is more about interacting by email and other electronic means than it is about admiring each other’s looks, who you are plays a greater part from the beginning than it does in an offline relationship.

2. Anonymity is also an advantage of online dating websites because it allows people to speak more freely.

3. You can rule people out based on their profile while selecting others who look interesting based on their profile information – definitely a big advantage of online dating over offline.

4. The factor in 3 above means that you save a lot of time in finding the right person.

5. If you are rejected by someone online it affects you less than if you were dating face-to-face: that has to be another amongst the big advantages of online dating websites.

6. Online dating is generally safer than offline dating. You don’t share your contact details with someone until you are really sure you want to, someone you have been talking to for a while and with whom you feel comfortable.

7. It’s very exciting! Offline dating is very exciting too of course, but the power and functionality you have in looking at lots of people’s profiles and contacting lots of people who sound nice is a very stimulating thing in itself!

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To All The Single Ladies

Lately I’ve seen a lot of social media posts from my single friends that are strong women with so much to offer wonder why women that don’t aren’t single and they are…

To my single ladies and single moms that are having a hard time because they cannot find true love. The women that are trying to better themselves in life, with their families and their careers, and most of all for themselves. First of all true love finds you when you least expect it, trust me…it happened to me. Secondly, I know we all have those friends that are out partying like rockstars still even in their 30’s without a care in the world, living with friends and family, in a dead end job they hate, because they have no ambition to do better for themselves, because they’ve chosen the easy route, and their main priority is to hunt down a man to not be alone. These women meet douche bags, and will be the same in their forties and fifties, because they will settle for any man that comes their way just so they won’t be alone. So as much as you think they have it easier than you having a grand ol time as you work your ass off, they don’t and they are only fooling themselves. I know there are days that you’re stressed out, you feel alone, lonely, and unloved. But you’re not; because as you’re in school, as you’re working hard, as you’re being the best mother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, and most of all WOMAN you can be…these “girls” without goals become their worst and have nothing to show for themselves but a bunch of broken relationships. Keep moving forward, keep being strong, keep achieving those goals, keep being you, and don’t forget to appreciate all those that are with you along the way. Your time for true love will come one day. Until then, don’t forget the love you carry inside of you for yourself. It is because of the love you have for yourself, the self respect, the ambition, and the drive that you have to keep on a chasing your dreams that makes you special and most of all courageous. Plus, it’s sure nice to drive you’re own car, have you’re own place to live, and live by YOUR rules, right? ALWAYS be proud of who you are. The more you’re not worried about finding true love, the faster it’ll find you…and it will be amazing.

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A Must Read: What Oprah says about Men

I came across this piece written by Oprah Winfrey. Her words are pure common sense and luckily I was raised to not know otherwise. Unfortunately, not all women were as blessed and put up with things they shouldn’t and don’t know their worth. Maybe after reading this piece if will give them a better outlook and they will have the strength to do what is best for them, their children, & their future.

oprahBy Oprah:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary…
not supplementary.

Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts… ❤

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April M. Monterrosa is the Owner of  The Lil Spa Room , PCA Skin Certified, a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor, Founder of  Wonderfully Wise Women, & a Writer for SAXtreme Magazine. Just a simple &  Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Marine Corps wife, Mama of a Dachshund, & a licensed Cosmetologist of 17+ years, blogging about things I love most…Beauty, Love, Life, Spa, Wine, and everything else in between! Check out my Beauty Blog at: lilsparoom.com

Romance Red Flags

Remember the movie, “He’s just not into you”? Well single ladies looking for love could actually learn a thing or two from it. Before being married, I dated quite a bit! Here are some of the red flags that kept me moving on to meeting new people and not wasting time with someone that wasn’t into me.

If he says to you “I only want to be with you”, pay attention. The question that should come to mind is, ‘Well, who else? Who else would you want to be with? Why am I the only one?’ What does that even mean?

He says, “I want you to have my baby”, Trust me, that very often is said in the passion of the moment and he means it in the moment but it’s not going to be the way he feels the next day. A real man would not say these words to you just to make sure he hits home base.

He’s NOT affectionate and/or if you’re kissing and he’s kissing you back but you find his eyes are open and he’s looking around, you should know that’s a sign to consider.

He makes AND breaks promises. If he’s always promising you, “We’re going to go out”, “I promise I’m going to call/text”, ‘We’re going to meet my family”, blah blah blah…but it doesn’t happen, there’s a reason he’s not keeping the promises. That’s a huge red flag!

He always talks about the future, but the future never comes. It’s about what’s going to happen, what’s always ahead…but you’re left dealing with what DIDN’T happen. Bottom line: If you find you’re waiting for something more to happen between the two of you and the only thing that seems to be happening is that you’re having great sex, he may be faking the LOVING PART. Men will sometimes tell you what you want to hear to keep you around for the sex.

Good luck ladies!

About April M. Monterrosa 

 April M. Monterrosa is Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Marine Corps wife, Mama of a Dachshund, licensed Cosmetologist &  The Lil Spa Room Owner Founder of the Wonderfully Wise Women Group, Blog, & Online Magazine, a Writer for SAXtreme Magazine, PCA Skin Chemical Peel certified, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor.

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Relationship Tips for the Clueless

Being a newlywed, I am a big fan of readings based on relationships. Some of the advice & tips I agree with, some I do not.  But it is nice to read different opinions and perspectives on things. Here are some great relationship tips I came across. Hope you enjoy and share them.

Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important.

Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.

Don’t confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love. Know your needs and speak up for them clearly.

A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs.

Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.

Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That is the value of a team—your differences.

Know how to manage differences; it’s the key to success in a relationship.

Disagreements don’t sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them. If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it.

Talk and explore, don’t assume. Solve problems as they arise. Don’t let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies. Learn to negotiate.

Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people’s needs are fluid and change over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

Listen, truly listen, to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Plus it opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own.

Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it’s a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.

Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together.

Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.

Never underestimate the power of good grooming.

Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.

Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have.

Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take. Stay open to spontaneity.

Maintain your energy. Stay healthy. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time.

Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger. Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself.

Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship.

Change yourself before you change your relationship. Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

About April M. Monterrosa 

 April M. Monterrosa is Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Marine Corps wife, Mama of a Dachshund, licensed Cosmetologist &  The Lil Spa Room Owner Founder of the Wonderfully Wise Women Group, Blog, & Online Magazine, a Writer for SAXtreme Magazine, PCA Skin Chemical Peel certified, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor.

Follow Your Head, Not Your Heart

The famous saying, “Follow your heart”, can sometimes be the worst. Women tell each other this crock of shit line all the time. Now, before you think I’m a heartless bitch, let me explain why, I’ve stopped following my heart.

The older I get and now being happily married, I’ve thought about past relationships, why they didn’t work, why I put up with things I normally wouldn’t have. The reason is, I was following my heart. Most of us women are hopeless romantics, some show it more than others, but it’s natural for us women to want romance, it’s how we’re built. I think most of my failed relationships have been from following my heart. Had I listened to my brain instead, I probably wouldn’t have wasted so much time in some of the relationships I had been in.

When we follow our hearts, we over look things, put up with stuff, and sometimes even loose ourselves. The biggest thing with following your heart is it can put you in an unhealthy relationship. Even though your head tells you otherwise, you ignore it because of what the heart yearns for. In my opinion, if your heart and head are saying the same thing and you’re in a healthy, happy relationship, congrats to you, that’s so hard to find. Most women ignore what their head says, follow their hearts, and never really get that happiness they want or deserve.

My last relationship prior to my husband was very rocky, yes, because I followed my heart. After that ended and I was dating, I stopped following my heart and paid close attention to what my head would tell me. I have to admit, it saved me from wasting time on those that didn’t have me in their best interest, ending up with a life that I didn’t want, getting hurt, and most of  all, being in an unhealthy relationship. This is something many people forget to do in the beginning stages of a relationship. It’s so easy to follow your heart and ignore signs or red flags that are screaming “no, not this one” at you. This is why women settle, waste years on someone they’re hoping will change and treat them better, and end up losing themselves entirely.

When my husband came along, my heart was screaming for me to listen to it. It took all my strength to listen to my head first and I did. Even though I was head over heels in love, I had to think about what my value to him was, how he treated me, was I his priority, was he selfish, was I his queen, his equal, did he love me like I loved him…these are the kinds of things I thought about. I was not going to waste years with someone, again, being unhappy, I knew better this time around, and I know what I deserve.

I have now been married two years. Being a military wife, not living together immediately, and deployments made things tough, I’ll admit. But following my head and not my heart has put be in a happy marriage and I am treated the way I wanna be and deserve to be.

About April M. Monterrosa 

 April M. Monterrosa is Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Marine Corps wife, Mama of a Dachshund, licensed Cosmetologist & Owner of The Lil Spa Room, Founder of the Wonderfully Wise Women Group, Blog, & Online Magazine, a Writer for SAXtreme Magazine, PCA Skin Chemical Peel certified, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor.

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Never Forget

I never forget your face
Yours is the one that brightens my day
I never forget your eyes
Yours are the ones that see right through me
I never forget your mouth
Your always has something sweet and silly to say
I never forget your touch
Yours makes me feel alive
I never forget your voice
Yours speaks to me even through our distance
I never forget your love
Your love is unforgettable
I never forget you
You never forget me