Relationship Tips for the Clueless

Being a newlywed, I am a big fan of readings based on relationships. Some of the advice & tips I agree with, some I do not.  But it is nice to read different opinions and perspectives on things. Here are some great relationship tips I came across. Hope you enjoy and share them.

Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important.

Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don’t want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they’ll create it where it doesn’t exist.

Don’t confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love. Know your needs and speak up for them clearly.

A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs.

Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.

Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That is the value of a team—your differences.

Know how to manage differences; it’s the key to success in a relationship.

Disagreements don’t sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them. If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it.

Talk and explore, don’t assume. Solve problems as they arise. Don’t let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies. Learn to negotiate.

Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people’s needs are fluid and change over time, and life’s demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

Listen, truly listen, to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Plus it opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own.

Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it’s a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.

Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together.

Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.

Never underestimate the power of good grooming.

Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.

Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have.

Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take. Stay open to spontaneity.

Maintain your energy. Stay healthy. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time.

Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger. Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself.

Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship.

Change yourself before you change your relationship. Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

About April M. Monterrosa 

 April M. Monterrosa is Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Marine Corps wife, Mama of a Dachshund, licensed Cosmetologist &  The Lil Spa Room Owner Founder of the Wonderfully Wise Women Group, Blog, & Online Magazine, a Writer for SAXtreme Magazine, PCA Skin Chemical Peel certified, & a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor.

Bad Weather Indoor Date Ideas

Knowing a few indoor date ideas for a rainy day is a great way for you and your partner to still have a great time, rain or shine. These rainy day date ideas are also great ideas you can use year round. Here are some romantic rainy day date ideas to try the next time the weather forecast has you stuck indoors.

Go skating. You and your partner will have fun holding each other’s hands while you make a few laps around the rink, even if neither of you are very good at skating.

Go bowling. Bowling is a great way to talk with each other and have a little competitive fun. You can pretend to be serious bowlers or request bumper lanes if you’re a little rusty.

Be bookworms. A book store is the perfect place for a rainy day date. You can check out stores that sell new books or visit a few shops that have used and rare books. You’ll learn a lot about your partner’s interests as you look through the different book titles. Don’t forget to stop for coffee at a local café or coffee shop afterwards!

Play board games, cards or puzzles. You can have a blast playing card games or board games like Monopoly. You can also always stop at the store if you have some extra cash and pick out a new game together just for the occasion. If you’re not a huge fan of board games, you can always opt to do a puzzle together instead.

Go bargain hunting. Visit resale shops, thrift stores, antique dealers, or indoor flea markets and see what kinds of odd and unusual things you can find together. You don’t even need to buy anything with this rainy day date idea to still have fun!

Cook up a Romantic Dinner. If you don’t feel like going out, try making dinner together at home instead. A few candles and some music playing in the background can make a simple dinner like spaghetti seem romantic.

Have an indoor picnic or camp. Grab your blankets and picnic basket and have a fun picnic on your living room floor. You can also set up a tent inside your house if it is big enough and you and your partner can snuggle and nap together while you listen to the raindrops on the roof.

Get crafty. Crafts are always a great way to stay entertained on a rainy day. Get out the crayons, markers, finger paints, glue and paper and spend some time together making things. It doesn’t really matter what you make as long as you both enjoy it. You can always Google easy craft ideas.

Head to the museums. A rainy day is a perfect time to brush up on history, admire classic art pieces, or learn more about science.

Find a pool hall. This one’s always fun for to laugh at how bad the other one is or pretending to be pros and calling the shots.

Get your video games. This can be a fun way to spend some time together on a rainy day. You can either visit your local arcade, rent a few video games to play for your current system, or drag out your original Nintendo or Atari. Just remember to stick to the 2 player games – it can get boring for the other person if they are just watching you play the whole time.

Have a movie marathon. Either rent a few movies from the video store or order a few from your cable provider. Make sure you have the popcorn and some blankets ready and turn the lights off to make it even better than going to the theater. You choose certain themes, actors, or catch up on your favorite television series to make it more of a “marathon”.

Have a photo shoot. You can be as serious or as silly as you want to be taking pictures of each other around the house. Find some unusual items, ugly sweaters or old Halloween costumes and start snapping away to a good time. You can go all out with lights and backdrops if you are able to. When you’re done taking the pictures, you can play around with them with your favorite photo editing software to make them black and white, sepia, or add other effects.

Pretend you are interior designers and choose a room for a make-over. See what you can accomplish without spending any money using things you already have in your house or rearranging furniture. It can be a fun time together digging through the basement or garage for new things to decorate with.

Go to a play or other live performance. Whether you’re into music, theater, or comedy clubs, going out to a performance is great form of rainy day entertainment. Your local newspaper can be a great source of information for current shows and venues.

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