Sucky Step Parents

I always tell my friends its not easy being a stepmom. But let’s be honest, being a step parent is far from easy! Though there may be many struggles and hurdles when being a step parent, there are things that you need to keep in mind to better your situation, whatever it may be. Don’t be a sucky step parent, embrace that with the love of your spouse, along came a bonus of blessings in your step children.Your step children will have inner and outer traits of your spouse, how can you now want to love them? In my opinion, step parents are bonus parents for children and put in their lives to give them extra childhood memories and more love.

Drama

Drama flares up when people are jealous, still have harsh feelings, are control freaks, and make decisions that benefit themselves instead of the children. You have to learn how to pick and choose your battles. Is something really worth arguing about and exchanging harsh words over when it’s out of your control and just going to distance your step child from you? I think not. If it’s something petty that is crawling under your skin, blow it off, it’s not worth upsetting all parties involved or being upset over it yourself. Also, never involve children in any arguments or try to pin them against parents or step parents. Every time you involve children in arguments, it robs them from childhood time and exposes them to adult issues that they may not understand and be too much to handle.

Give Credit

So you may or may not like your spouse’s ex, but, your stepchild has wonderful manners, grades, always respectful, and says great things about their other parent. They are obviously doing something right, so before you decide to hate on your spouse’s ex for immature reasons think of those things. Giving credit works both ways too. If you are the custodial parent and your children love your ex’s new spouse, don’t be jealous, and be thankful! Would you rather they treat your child like dirt? If you are blessed with your child having great step parents, being appreciative of them and giving a simple thank you would mean so much. Not all blended families are that lucky.

Sharing things

Sharing the child’s things between the two families is often a touchy subject. What’s the point in fighting over clothes and toys when they don’t belong to you, your spouse, or your spouse’s ex and belong to the child? Be mature and don’t argue over material things. If something holds sentimental value that you purchased, then that’s a different story and it may just take some simple explaining to the other parent(s) and/or children.

Family ties

When you marry someone with children, they are a package deal; even more so if your spouse has full custody. The children involved have no choice in picking their step parents. You have to keep in mind that their lives were completely different prior to you and some may still even be going through a rough time accepting the divorce. Be patient and understanding with your step children; all good solid relationships take those two things the most.

Be Fair

If both your spouse and you have children, keep in mind that after you get married, all children are YOUR children together. Not one of them should get any special treatment over the other. They should all be loved, supported equally, and taken care of all the same. That should go for discipline as well. Everything being fair in the household also teaches your children respect authority and to treat all walks of life with kindness.

Show some respect

Whether you like your spouse’s ex or not, that is who they had children with. They will always be in your life as long as you are with your spouse. Be civil and respectful; keep the best interests of the children in mind, and be a good example to them. Even if the other party doesn’t meet you halfway, at least in the children’s eyes you are the bigger person. It’s not that hard to do.

Communication

Good communication=good step children. Always keep positive when dealing with negative people because positivity always wins. If your spouse’s ex is constantly trying to create some sort of drama and you are doing just the opposite, it gets noticed by the children. Don’t stoop to a low level; be the bigger person, it’s so much better for the relationship with your step children, your spouse, and yourself.

In closing

Every blended family is different. All we can do as step parents is be a good influence in our step children’s lives by consistently being the positive reinforcement. Challenging yes, worth it definitely.

Step Mom & Step Daughter Selfie

Step Mom & Step Daughter Selfie

 

Advertisements

Wordless Wednesday

Step parents are special people full of love that create unique childhood memories.on the beach- Port Aransas, Texas

Step-Families & Smartphones

I belong to a few step family and step mom social media groups, one of the most common questions that gets posted is about the blended families being on each other’s social media pages. Some families agree with being on their step children’s parents social media pages to be able to see what they are doing and get pictures. Now while most blended families would disagree with this, in my opinion, it all depends on the situation. In my case, I am very open on my face book page; every person on my friends list knows me personally, my family, or is a close client. Though I think my stepdaughter’s mom is really cool and we get along well, I feel that I am not that close to her (yet) to share some of my personal posts. My husband no longer has any social media pages and other social sites I am on, like Twitter and Instagram, are public because I don’t mind sharing those.

I understand Facebook is a great tool to exchange pictures, but for blended families, there is a possibility it can also stir up harsh feelings, cause drama, and I don’t think exes need to keep tabs on you and your spouse’s whereabouts and vice versa. Some things are just not sharable and some families don’t even get along at all to even want to be on each other’s social media pages.

Email and texting is another great way to exchange pictures and video, but when you have tons of pictures (as I usually do) and big video files, email and text does have a limit and you are not able to share them that way. The best thing that has worked for my husband and I, is Dropbox.

dropbox-logoWhat’s Dropbox? “Dropbox is a home for all your photos, docs, videos, and files. Anything you add to Dropbox will automatically show up on all your computers, phones (android and iphone) and even the Dropbox website — so you can access your stuff from anywhere.

With the Smartphone craze these days, everyone has downloaded an app or two on their phones. The Dropbox app is a free download and service (unless you need more memory) and can be accessed anywhere. I even use it for work files and sharing pictures with my family. I take lots of pictures and video wherever I go, it is time consuming to have to upload them to the computer and then break them down into emails. With Dropbox, we click on all the pictures we want to share with my step daughter’s mom, upload them to her Dropbox folder, and she can view all of them in minutes due to the shared folder feature. With the shared folder feature, you can add anyone to the folder via email to have access to any of your folders.

Dropbox can also be downloaded to your laptop, desktop, and tablets. If you ever lost any of your devices or got them wet, your pictures, videos, and files are safe in your Dropbox folders and you can access them anywhere you can log into your Dropbox account. To learn more about Dropbox, check out their website. With such a neat and handy app, there should be no reason for blended families not to share pictures and videos of the children between them. Please share this idea with other step families.

For Stepmoms on Facebook, be sure to visit this great Support page: https://www.facebook.com/StepmomSupportPage

Shine Beautifully

 

 

 

 

 

Step Mom Stories 1

Today my husband and I went Halloween costume shopping for my bonus child (aka stepdaughter). This was the first time I went shopping for my favorite holiday, in one of my favorite stores for someone other than myself. If you knew me personally and how much I love Halloween, you’d understand. We had so much fun on our mission to find the complete Elsa costume. It may be early September, but as big of a hit Disney’s Frozen was, some places are already sold out. After driving out of town and to the opposite end of the city from our home, the mission was accomplished.  Luckily the Party City team was very helpful in our search and was the main reason we found everything easily.

Something happened today though. After all the laughter, fun, and excitement, there was pure silence between my husband and me on our way home. I wasn’t sure if he was angry, upset, or sad. Come to find out, it was all of the above. I think it finally hit my husband that he (we) are not a part of many big events in his daughters life. Sure we have summers, holidays, Face time, Skype, and pictures. But that is not the same as walking her to the first day of school, waking up at night because she is sick, taking her trick or treating, and going to school plays. Divorce and living in different states changes so many things between parents and their children.

shine beautifully

This is my second time being a step mom; it is very challenging. I am grateful that my step daughter’s mother and I get along; everyone is on the same page when it comes to behavior issues, and we are able to speak with her daily. Everyone’s relationship has changed drastically in the last couple of years and for the better. There are just some things as a step parent that you have no say so in, feel like your opinion doesn’t matter, and most of all fix things to make them easier for everyone.

Being a step parent, as much as you’re involved, you are still an outsider looking in. It was hard for me to see my husband so down and out today. Not only did he miss out on many things in his daughters earlier years, now that he has spent time with her and misses her, it’s harder to not be a part of her everyday life. Sadness filled his face as he told me we were going to miss out on Halloween, we will always miss the first day of school, and there’s got to be some way we can change that to where we can all get to enjoy those things. As his wife and the step parent, I was quiet and listened. I told him he needs to be honest and if he wants more information, time to talk to his daughter, pictures, and Skype time; it’s OK to ask for that.

I am all about communication to change things for the better. He was not raised that way and is learning that is how things get solved. Eggshells are constantly walked on in situations like these because the feelings of very different people are involved. I hope we can somehow make this separation not feel as rough as it has been for him. As a spouse, it’s hard to see your other half sad and missing his child. Like I said, being a step parent is very challenging. I plan on sharing my step parent stories to reach out to other step parents. I want them to know they are not alone.

Husband Modeling his Daughter's Elsa Costume

Husband Modeling his Daughter’s Elsa Costume

 

 

Step Daughter Goodies

When my step daughter was visiting this summer, we had something in common. We love the beauty world! What we sometimes fail to realize is the cartoon characters and things little girls watch on TV and pay attention to influence how they think a girl should look. My step daughter paid very close attention to me when I applied my makeup, polished my nails, and especially when I did my hair. Because she was so interested, I made sure to show her a few beauty tricks too. She even went back home with a new brush and mirror set, lip gloss, and lots of hair accessories. We had so much fun!
Thankfully, due to social media I’m able to keep in touch with many old high school friends. I’ve been admiring the pictures my friend has been posting of the headbands and other hair accessories she creates herself. I purchased a few with the characters my step daughter likes; she’s going to be so excited when she receives them.
Thought I’d share some pics with ya:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step Mom Duty

It finally happened. My step daughter came to visit us in Texas. Not only did we have the opportunity to pick her up ourselves in Washington; it was also a fun memory to travel back with her to Texas. This was a first for all of us; her mom, her step dad, my husband, me, and all of our families. She had never been away from home or her mom for more than a couple of days. This time she’d be gone for over 3 weeks, in another state, and spending part of her summer vacation here and meeting all her Texas family.  I have to admit, as much as friends were worried for me, I wasn’t nervous at all. Being an older sister, having a take charge personality, and wanting to get to know my step daughter, I was actually pretty excited. As much as I love my husband, how could I not love his child that looks so much like him anyway? I was ready to create lots of fun family memories.

Being a step parent isn’t easy at all. I think when families are blended, lots of patience, energy, effort, and sacrifice takes a huge part in making sure the children between everyone grow in good directions. When jealously, bitterness, and old harsh feelings are still felt by anyone in a blended family, the only ones that suffer are the children. Kids see and hear things more than we give them credit for. Though it wasn’t an easy task to get to where we are now, took a couple of years, and lots of very deep conversations, I can honestly say it was well worth it.

I believe having my step daughter here for 3 weeks has helped each and every one of us grow as individuals. Her mom got to enjoy some alone time with her spouse, my family & I got to know my step daughter , and most of all my husband got to make some wonderful lasting memories with his little girl. The biggest thing this summer visit did was help all of us all parents get on the same page when it comes to discipline. Between my husband, myself, my step daughter’s mom, and her other half, we all have very different upbringings. Though that can be a tough thing when it comes to agreeing on discipline techniques, I am very blessed that everyone involved has an open mind and heart, working as a team, and finds its best to discuss behavioral issues together.

We all want what’s best for the children in our lives. Being a step parent, the role in your step child’s life is just as important as their parents because you also are setting examples for them. Every one contributes something special to the children involved in a blended family. I am very lucky that my step daughter’s mom and I get along great. We all have the same goal and that’s to raise my step daughter to be a confident, strong young woman. All of us here in Texas are looking forward to many more visits and memories. Being a step parent is a good thing; it means that your heart is so full of love for your spouse, that you have plenty to give to his children.

“A stepmother might have to rise above a little more than everyone else to make everything go smoothly and for everyone to feel comfortable. Step moms are not around to replace a biological parent, rather to augment a child’s life experience.”

step mom