I always tell my friends its not easy being a stepmom. But let’s be honest, being a step parent is far from easy! Though there may be many struggles and hurdles when being a step parent, there are things that you need to keep in mind to better your situation, whatever it may be. Don’t be a sucky step parent, embrace that with the love of your spouse, along came a bonus of blessings in your step children.Your step children will have inner and outer traits of your spouse, how can you now want to love them? In my opinion, step parents are bonus parents for children and put in their lives to give them extra childhood memories and more love.
Drama flares up when people are jealous, still have harsh feelings, are control freaks, and make decisions that benefit themselves instead of the children. You have to learn how to pick and choose your battles. Is something really worth arguing about and exchanging harsh words over when it’s out of your control and just going to distance your step child from you? I think not. If it’s something petty that is crawling under your skin, blow it off, it’s not worth upsetting all parties involved or being upset over it yourself. Also, never involve children in any arguments or try to pin them against parents or step parents. Every time you involve children in arguments, it robs them from childhood time and exposes them to adult issues that they may not understand and be too much to handle.
So you may or may not like your spouse’s ex, but, your stepchild has wonderful manners, grades, always respectful, and says great things about their other parent. They are obviously doing something right, so before you decide to hate on your spouse’s ex for immature reasons think of those things. Giving credit works both ways too. If you are the custodial parent and your children love your ex’s new spouse, don’t be jealous, and be thankful! Would you rather they treat your child like dirt? If you are blessed with your child having great step parents, being appreciative of them and giving a simple thank you would mean so much. Not all blended families are that lucky.
Sharing the child’s things between the two families is often a touchy subject. What’s the point in fighting over clothes and toys when they don’t belong to you, your spouse, or your spouse’s ex and belong to the child? Be mature and don’t argue over material things. If something holds sentimental value that you purchased, then that’s a different story and it may just take some simple explaining to the other parent(s) and/or children.
When you marry someone with children, they are a package deal; even more so if your spouse has full custody. The children involved have no choice in picking their step parents. You have to keep in mind that their lives were completely different prior to you and some may still even be going through a rough time accepting the divorce. Be patient and understanding with your step children; all good solid relationships take those two things the most.
If both your spouse and you have children, keep in mind that after you get married, all children are YOUR children together. Not one of them should get any special treatment over the other. They should all be loved, supported equally, and taken care of all the same. That should go for discipline as well. Everything being fair in the household also teaches your children respect authority and to treat all walks of life with kindness.
Show some respect
Whether you like your spouse’s ex or not, that is who they had children with. They will always be in your life as long as you are with your spouse. Be civil and respectful; keep the best interests of the children in mind, and be a good example to them. Even if the other party doesn’t meet you halfway, at least in the children’s eyes you are the bigger person. It’s not that hard to do.
Good communication=good step children. Always keep positive when dealing with negative people because positivity always wins. If your spouse’s ex is constantly trying to create some sort of drama and you are doing just the opposite, it gets noticed by the children. Don’t stoop to a low level; be the bigger person, it’s so much better for the relationship with your step children, your spouse, and yourself.
Every blended family is different. All we can do as step parents is be a good influence in our step children’s lives by consistently being the positive reinforcement. Challenging yes, worth it definitely.